‘We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.’
— Seneca
If you are living with anxiety, know that you are not alone, and that support, understanding, and meaningful change is possible. Anxiety is often misunderstood. It is not a flaw or a failure, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a deeply human response to feeling unsafe, overwhelmed, or uncertain.
When anxiety arises, it does not mean something is wrong with you. It means your system is doing what it can to protect you, even if that protection no longer feels helpful. Understanding anxiety is the first step toward softening its grip and creating a calmer, more connected life.
What is Anxiety?
At its core, anxiety is an internal alarm system designed to protect you. It heightens your senses, prepares you for danger, and keeps you alert to potential threats. In small doses, this system is helpful, and it sharpens focus before a presentation or reminds you to double-check your safety when crossing a busy road.
However, when this protective system becomes overactive, it can create a state of persistent worry, hypervigilance, and emotional exhaustion, even when there is no immediate threat.
It is not a sign that you are ‘too sensitive’ or ‘overreacting.’ It is a sign that your mind and body are working hard to keep you safe but may need support to recalibrate.
Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety
Anxiety can whisper or roar. It can feel like a flutter of nerves or a flood of overwhelm.
Here are some ways anxiety might show up:
- A racing heart or a feeling of tightness in the chest
- Restlessness or an inability to ‘switch off’
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Sleep disturbances, such as trouble falling asleep or waking up frequently
- Persistent worries about the future or fear of ‘what ifs’
- A sense of impending doom or episodes of intense panic (including panic attacks), even when nothing appears wrong
- Physical symptoms like chest pain, stomach-aches, muscle tension, dizziness, trembling, perspiring, or flushing
- Distressing or intrusive thoughts that feel hard to control, often accompanied by guilt or fear about what they mean
- Repetitive behaviours or mental habits (like checking, counting, or reassurance-seeking) that may offer temporary relief but are driven by anxiety
Everyone’s experience of anxiety is different, and your experience is valid.
Why Anxiety Happens
Anxiety is rooted in survival. Long ago, our ancestors needed to stay highly alert to physical dangers. This ancient ‘fight-or-flight’ system still lives within us today. When we encounter a perceived threat, whether it is a looming deadline, a difficult conversation, or simply an uncertain future, our amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) signals the body to prepare for action.
The difficulty is that the modern world often bombards us with non-stop stimuli and uncertainty. Our protective system, built for short bursts of threat, is not designed for chronic stress. It is no wonder so many people find themselves feeling trapped in cycles of worry, tension, and fear. Recognising this helps you to approach anxiety not as an enemy, but as a part of yourself that needs understanding, patience, and care.
Understanding the Body’s Survival Responses
When the nervous system senses danger, it automatically activates protective responses to help you survive. These responses are not choices you consciously make; they are deeply wired reflexes that prepare the body to react to threat.
I often explain to clients that these survival responses can take different forms:
- Fight: Responding with anger, irritability, or defensiveness.
- Flight: Feeling the urge to escape, avoid, or withdraw from perceived danger.
- Freeze: Becoming stuck, numb, or unable to take action.
- Fawn: Attempting to appease, please, or accommodate others in order to stay safe.
Anxiety often involves one or more of these patterns becoming activated, even when there is no immediate physical danger present. Over time, these survival patterns can evolve into more subtle but equally powerful behaviours, such as:
- People-pleasing: Prioritising others’ needs over your own to maintain acceptance (linked to fawn).
- Imposter syndrome: Feeling undeserving of success or fearing exposure as a ‘fraud’ (linked to freeze and fawn).
- Perfectionism: Setting unrealistically high standards to outrun failure or criticism (linked to flight and fawn).
- Overthinking: Constantly analysing situations to predict and prevent possible threats (linked to freeze and flight).
- Difficulty setting boundaries: Struggling to say no or advocate for your needs for fear of conflict or rejection (linked to fawn).
- Avoidance: Withdrawing from challenges or opportunities due to fear of failure or overwhelm (linked to flight).
These behaviours are not signs of weakness. They are adaptations, ways the mind and body have learnt to cope with environments or experiences that once felt unsafe. Understanding your own patterns is not about self-criticism; it is about meeting yourself with compassion. When you bring awareness to these responses, you begin to create more space for choice, healing, and calm.
How Anxiety Can Impact Daily Life
Unchecked anxiety can ripple through every part of life:
- Relationships: Anxiety can create fear of rejection, difficulties in trust, or a tendency to overthink interactions. It may cause someone to pull away or become overly dependent, depending on how safe they feel with others.
- Social situations: Anxiety can make everyday interactions, from casual conversations to group settings, feel overwhelming. It can create fear of judgement or even a sense that others are watching, criticising, or disapproving, even when there is no real evidence.
- Work and Study: Anxiety can erode confidence, making even small tasks feel overwhelming. It can also affect focus and memory, increasing feelings of underperformance or failure.
- Physical Health: Chronic anxiety can lead to fatigue, digestive issues, or a weakened immune system. Tension held in the body can also manifest as headaches, nausea, or body aches.
- Self-Esteem: Living in a constant state of alertness can lead to self-criticism and feelings of failure. Over time, this can chip away at a person’s sense of worth or identity.
Anxiety narrows your world. What once felt possible can start to feel out of reach.
But with compassionate support, that world can open again, slowly, steadily, and sustainably.
Small Steps Toward Managing Anxiety
Managing anxiety is rarely about a single solution. It is about building a toolbox of small, nurturing habits that create a sense of safety from within.
Here are a few starting points:
- Grounding Techniques: Bring your awareness back to the present moment with simple exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 method (noticing 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste).
- Breathwork: Slow, deep breaths send a powerful message to your nervous system that you are safe.
Practices like box breathing, the physiological sigh, or alternate nostril breathing can support your nervous system by helping it return to a state of calm. These simple breath techniques work by gently activating the parasympathetic branch, the part of your nervous system responsible for rest, digestion, and recovery. With regular practice, they can train your body to regulate itself more effectively under pressure.
If you would like to explore mindfulness and meditation in more depth, my blog The Transformative Power of Mindfulness and Meditation shares practical ways to integrate these techniques into daily life, supporting calm, clarity, and emotional resilience. If this resonates, you can click here to learn more.
- Gentle Movement: Activities like walking, yoga, or stretching can help discharge built-up energy and tension.
- Journaling: Writing down thoughts and feelings creates space between you and your worries, allowing you to view them with more clarity and compassion.
- Boundaries with News and Technology: Reducing exposure to constant information can ease mental overload.
- Connection: Speaking with someone you trust, whether a friend, counsellor, or support group, can reduce isolation and normalise your experiences.
- Soothing Routines: Building small rituals of self-care can anchor you. Morning stretches, evening herbal tea, a daily walk, these are acts of grounding, not indulgence.
- Desensitisation: Gently facing situations that trigger anxiety, at your own pace and with the right support, can help your nervous system feel safer over time. This gradual exposure can build confidence and reduce sensitivity to everyday stressors.
I often encourage clients to lean into calming activities each day, not just as a form of self-care, but as a way of helping their nervous system reset. When anxiety is present, the body can become stuck in a constant state of Red Alert, prepared for danger even when none is there.
Through soothing practices like warm baths, breathwork, or quiet reading, you gently signal to the body that it is safe enough to relax. Over time, these consistent moments of calm help shift the nervous system out of high alert, making emotional regulation and resilience more accessible.
Some people also find gentle herbal supports helpful as part of their self-care toolkit. Options like chamomile tea, Rescue Remedy, Kalms, Passiflora, ashwagandha or CBD oil are commonly used to promote relaxation and support the nervous system. As with any remedy, it is important to listen to your body and, where needed, seek professional advice to ensure it is right for you.
Another gentle shift can come from reframing the way you think. When anxiety pulls your focus toward what you cannot control, try anchoring your attention in what you can. Focus on the strengths and resources you already have, rather than what feels missing. And whenever possible, bring your awareness back to the here and now, not the imagined future or the unchangeable past, but the grounded present where safety can begin to grow.
Taking care of your basic physical needs can also make a noticeable difference over time. Prioritising restful sleep, staying well-hydrated, and nourishing your body with steady, balanced meals helps support emotional regulation and overall nervous system health. These small, consistent acts of self-care create a foundation from which greater calm can grow.
If you would like to explore these strategies in more depth, my blog Mastering Stress Management for a Balanced Life offers additional tools to help you manage pressure, build resilience, and find more balance in your day-to-day life. Click here to learn more about building long-term resilience and balance.
Every small act of care builds a stronger foundation for your wellbeing.
Managing anxiety is not about ‘fixing’ yourself. It is about learning what helps you feel safer, softer, and stronger.
Key Takeaways
- Anxiety is not a flaw; it is a protective response rooted in your nervous system.
- It can show up in subtle ways, including perfectionism, people-pleasing, intrusive thoughts, overthinking, or compulsive behaviours like checking or reassurance-seeking.
- The impact of anxiety can ripple into relationships, self-esteem, work, physical health, and how safe you feel socially.
- Panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and chronic worry are not signs of weakness; they are signs that your system is asking for safety.
- Understanding your behavioural and nervous system patterns is the first step toward change, not self-blame, but self-compassion.
- Gentle tools like grounding techniques, breathwork (including the physiological sigh), movement, journaling, and desensitisation can help shift your body out of high alert.
- Herbal supports, restful sleep, hydration, and balanced nutrition can play a meaningful role in regulating anxiety.
- Reframing your thoughts, focusing on what you can control, what you have, and the present moment, supports emotional resilience.
- Healing begins when you stop fighting anxiety and start listening to what it is trying to protect.
Closing Reflection
Anxiety is not a flaw. It is an echo of your sensitivity, your alertness, your care. With the right understanding and support, anxiety can become not a life sentence, but a guide, showing you where your needs for safety, connection, and self-trust are calling for attention.
Meaningful change is not about ‘becoming someone else.’ It is about becoming more yourself, grounded, calm, and connected to the resilient core that has always been there.
If you are ready to take the first small step towards a calmer, more connected life, support is here when you are ready. You can learn more about my counselling services here or visit the Services page on my website.